I'm being killed inside, killed inside out
torrents of things inside my heart burning through just trying to burst through
no way out, there's just no way out
for these things to be unleashed into reality would meant that my world is going down

Im tying to find someone who understands
but everybody is just too damned busy
they get on with their own lives
and everybody just cares for whats within an arm's length.
This is just too pathetic, what human communication has become
Too pathetic, is this wad humans really are?

Im throwing in life's white towel of defeat
Squeezing out all my life's blood and sweat into an emtpy pail and measuring it
I look down but i dun see any at all.


I see ppl endlessly milling about the roads
dragging their heavy legs arnd as they left from work
chatting mindlessly to all these "colleagues"
when they are all just putting on a mask
and when the masquerade ends, all will be lost
and they be lifeless and empty souls left

My life drones on, in a monotone
no colors nor light, its just plain grey dullness
i want a burst of colors, something exciting and new
yet, to those onlookers of society, will they accept me if i do so
Stop it with those stares
Im daring with my creativity flare
Im daring to try these out and live through my dreams but would u say the same for urself!

Be daring and creative you would say but how on earth would u start doing that?
Take the first step someone replies but its just too hard
how many in a million can make it w/o getting those "looks"
Im just me yeah
My lifeless human doll size shell.

aimlessly lost in this frozen space
im just floating in zero gravity
wondering where that will lead me to
im just floating waiting to be free

Crap. im a zombie staring at the mirror.
lifeless black eyeballs staring back right through
Hey is that me? Hello
Hey is that me? Hello [echo]
someone throws that question back and i realise its just my emtpy shell.

I wanna rock on all night yeah
i wanna sing n scream till my throat hurts
i wanna do all those posey and be a doll
n where do i go if i wanna do all that!
Its right here yeah
I'll take u on if u come find me
take u to another level high
live the dreams u've always dreamt
and keep on dreaming

Total Reflection

well... haven been up here for such a very very long time liao lah ... just finished reviewing frens blog & i gotta say im filled with all types of emotions now. You could say all the sweet, sour, bitter things are intermingled together. Also dunno how to describe this indescribable feeling. Yucksx! For one, haven seen Cara & Angie in a long long while liao... Cara even longer. 'n' they don't even care, as if im invisible 'n' nv existed in the first place. Cara is SOOOO busy with her schoolwork, understandable, but also kinda sad that she didnt even bother catching up with me using msgs. What is your phone for??
Angie is not as close to me now like b4. Made me think back of all those schooldays where we were just laughing all the time, making fun of each others n stuff. She now has her kailing jie jie whose name would always be hanging by her mouth liao. Whenever by chance the 3 of us would be tgt, i always feel so left out. That's y it also made me think about my decision to go AH work. Imagine if im going to work with them and feel all the more left out by them. I would've rather went to another place where there is no them and feel lonely through there instead. The thing with whether its working in AH or in polyclinic, i am neutral. There are pros & cons in each place. 'N' i nv rejected your proposal straight down at your face, not so much as you think with this kinda phrasing. I've also thought about it b4. The reason y the talk with Claud made me waver so much is becoz number 1: when you say that AH is hiring, there is no 100% that they will hire me compared to 100& being offered a place at poly. When a 100% offer comes along, of coz you would grab it liao lor. Number 2: i've only been in AH for less than a month 'n' in satellite no less. How are you going to make me choose compared to 3months full in poly(Clementi). Lets go back to the topic. You all go fo tang, thats fine, but i will feel left out but i cant go. I feel paranoid. I feel that you all have been going out having fun by yourselves without asking me along. I really feel distant. Whenever i tok to angie or hear her voice, i get the feeling that she's bored 'n' wants to get over my part n quickly tok to kailing instead.I missed my school days where there are tonnes of interactions, not just with close frens. Even a smile with someone not realli close to you feels so warm now. In working environments, a smile seems so fake. People who you think you might be closer with are actually the most distant creatures. Now that i've been left with 1 night left b4 i go give my answer to claud, i don't know what to think anymore. Sure i would agree that working in a place with frens would be greatly fun but i fear the opposite.
JieYing lei JieYing, my close close fren + almost neighbours + sister like sister. Where hath thou gone to. Gone with the wind? No sound nor silent footsteps.
Gyahhh! working life is boring. God please fill my life with bliss. !Amen!

Suddenly Down

sudden rush of poetry from my mind... and here goes

Vast and empty as it seems
Silent be on silence's stream
Drop of naturalle into thee
Pindrops fallen sound it seemed
Passing gush hails into none
Still a standing, one tree alone

None of light can shine thru thee
Still hopes flickering on the edge
Wonders never are as wonders weep
Wonderful it seemed but so deceit
Softly, gently, cuddle me
As i lay deep into sleep

Yours Truly,
Terralyte