I'm being killed inside, killed inside out
torrents of things inside my heart burning through just trying to burst through
no way out, there's just no way out
for these things to be unleashed into reality would meant that my world is going down

Im tying to find someone who understands
but everybody is just too damned busy
they get on with their own lives
and everybody just cares for whats within an arm's length.
This is just too pathetic, what human communication has become
Too pathetic, is this wad humans really are?

Im throwing in life's white towel of defeat
Squeezing out all my life's blood and sweat into an emtpy pail and measuring it
I look down but i dun see any at all.


I see ppl endlessly milling about the roads
dragging their heavy legs arnd as they left from work
chatting mindlessly to all these "colleagues"
when they are all just putting on a mask
and when the masquerade ends, all will be lost
and they be lifeless and empty souls left

My life drones on, in a monotone
no colors nor light, its just plain grey dullness
i want a burst of colors, something exciting and new
yet, to those onlookers of society, will they accept me if i do so
Stop it with those stares
Im daring with my creativity flare
Im daring to try these out and live through my dreams but would u say the same for urself!

Be daring and creative you would say but how on earth would u start doing that?
Take the first step someone replies but its just too hard
how many in a million can make it w/o getting those "looks"
Im just me yeah
My lifeless human doll size shell.

aimlessly lost in this frozen space
im just floating in zero gravity
wondering where that will lead me to
im just floating waiting to be free

Crap. im a zombie staring at the mirror.
lifeless black eyeballs staring back right through
Hey is that me? Hello
Hey is that me? Hello [echo]
someone throws that question back and i realise its just my emtpy shell.

I wanna rock on all night yeah
i wanna sing n scream till my throat hurts
i wanna do all those posey and be a doll
n where do i go if i wanna do all that!
Its right here yeah
I'll take u on if u come find me
take u to another level high
live the dreams u've always dreamt
and keep on dreaming

Total Reflection

well... haven been up here for such a very very long time liao lah ... just finished reviewing frens blog & i gotta say im filled with all types of emotions now. You could say all the sweet, sour, bitter things are intermingled together. Also dunno how to describe this indescribable feeling. Yucksx! For one, haven seen Cara & Angie in a long long while liao... Cara even longer. 'n' they don't even care, as if im invisible 'n' nv existed in the first place. Cara is SOOOO busy with her schoolwork, understandable, but also kinda sad that she didnt even bother catching up with me using msgs. What is your phone for??
Angie is not as close to me now like b4. Made me think back of all those schooldays where we were just laughing all the time, making fun of each others n stuff. She now has her kailing jie jie whose name would always be hanging by her mouth liao. Whenever by chance the 3 of us would be tgt, i always feel so left out. That's y it also made me think about my decision to go AH work. Imagine if im going to work with them and feel all the more left out by them. I would've rather went to another place where there is no them and feel lonely through there instead. The thing with whether its working in AH or in polyclinic, i am neutral. There are pros & cons in each place. 'N' i nv rejected your proposal straight down at your face, not so much as you think with this kinda phrasing. I've also thought about it b4. The reason y the talk with Claud made me waver so much is becoz number 1: when you say that AH is hiring, there is no 100% that they will hire me compared to 100& being offered a place at poly. When a 100% offer comes along, of coz you would grab it liao lor. Number 2: i've only been in AH for less than a month 'n' in satellite no less. How are you going to make me choose compared to 3months full in poly(Clementi). Lets go back to the topic. You all go fo tang, thats fine, but i will feel left out but i cant go. I feel paranoid. I feel that you all have been going out having fun by yourselves without asking me along. I really feel distant. Whenever i tok to angie or hear her voice, i get the feeling that she's bored 'n' wants to get over my part n quickly tok to kailing instead.I missed my school days where there are tonnes of interactions, not just with close frens. Even a smile with someone not realli close to you feels so warm now. In working environments, a smile seems so fake. People who you think you might be closer with are actually the most distant creatures. Now that i've been left with 1 night left b4 i go give my answer to claud, i don't know what to think anymore. Sure i would agree that working in a place with frens would be greatly fun but i fear the opposite.
JieYing lei JieYing, my close close fren + almost neighbours + sister like sister. Where hath thou gone to. Gone with the wind? No sound nor silent footsteps.
Gyahhh! working life is boring. God please fill my life with bliss. !Amen!

Suddenly Down

sudden rush of poetry from my mind... and here goes

Vast and empty as it seems
Silent be on silence's stream
Drop of naturalle into thee
Pindrops fallen sound it seemed
Passing gush hails into none
Still a standing, one tree alone

None of light can shine thru thee
Still hopes flickering on the edge
Wonders never are as wonders weep
Wonderful it seemed but so deceit
Softly, gently, cuddle me
As i lay deep into sleep

Yours Truly,
Terralyte

MY PEACEFUL DAYS LEFT!!

GAHHHHH!!! DUN COME DISTURB ME... BITE UR HEAD OFF!

Hey, time passes too fast le lah... the last time i blogged was like ytd to me T.T and next week is exam week liao! ack!! :X think can one week of stressful, overload week again lah.... nvm.. at least its one week. Then i can rest for the weekends at least.Im taking time off TRICKSTER now and perhaps i will return after the exams. See how first. LOL... and now im totalli into anime watching, drawing and painting!! ahahaha... alamak... tt would be 6 works i haven publish yet :X no time to upload and the scanner is in the other room T.T hahaha... so after exam week den upload all at once le.... ehehehe ....

Today i painted a human! lol.. with water colors of course and i traced it with the calligraphy pen. Hmmm... realli took me quite some time coz im not quite sure about the shadows for the face and the lightings. The hair was actualli easy...lol ... and the shirt was difficult becoz i didnt have the intention to add it on at first. So it was draw by brush and bcoz it was such a big area, the shading for it was realli quite troublesome. Total in all i painted for like 4 hrs lidat starting from 3-7.30 bah ... hahhaha... hmmm ... quite pleased... :D hehehe ...

Now im waiting for my anime to load sia... crunchyroll dun have so gotta go stage 6 and veoh video network. Their loading time takes such a long long while its a pain in the arse... hahaha ... faster faster!! hayaku hayaku!! Hmmm... and i dun even noe the timetable for the subjects yet, the subjects tested and all the tips!! gosh ... and 2 subjects per day sia... can die le... or should i say, dunno how to die liao .. :X T.T (lazy to find pictures put sia T.T) and this time all the pictures i found are all death like becoz of the death week next week T.T wanna escape from hell!

oh yes... want to recommend cara an anime called Zero no Tsukaima!! hahah... when she drop by then she see lah ... or i think seldom hardly anyone visit oso le ... hehhe ... anw... its magical, comedy and witches and wizards. Realli funny but some might not realli like the main character becoz she is 'quite' noisy lah ... lol ... hmmm ... there are more but this is the one i like best outta the few i watched this time round. Its onli 13 episodes also.. so no big harm done XD

KAIRU!!! TADAIMA!!!

hehehe... so long nv come le hor... ahaha ... well .. for the past 2 weeks, me and angie and gang is chionging our game. TRICKSTER on9... hahaha ... ok ... so i job change to my magician liao and now am at lvl 58 but training is quite slow lei ... dunno lah ... feel that way ... haha ... so getting tired ... not much new place to venture lei ...all either too high lvl le or too noob liao ... hmmmm ... gang on me i will die de... coz ima mage with onli 1.4k life... they critical me i jiat lat.

Hehehe... today went shopping and also brought my art supplies liao!! ^^ hahaha "I JUST SAVED 20% ON MY ART SUPPLIES!!" tt's wad im shouting now overthere... hahaha ... can paint le... yesh ...but brought a wrong watercolor lah ... awwww... need to rebuy. Brushes, palate, markers all set! hehe ... and im not lazy these 2 weeks ok!! i got draw! ahaha ... i drew 5 pieces of chibis onli lah ... haha ... so kawaii! and my chibis is bettter than that first one liao ... lol .... will post on DA some days to come so go check it out... hehehe ... wad did i draw... i drew a fanart for TRICKSTER... my own created characters... some chibis in traditional clothes... snow gal... well ..think these are the pieces to look forward to bah ... one piece is on lots of chibis faces...thats just to help me draw chibi faces better since i suck at them.. lol ... but overall got some i rather like... hehehe

OH ya... brought the calligraphy pen liao ... very fun i tell ya! haha... the strokes are awesome... will test it out on my real drawing real soon!! hehehe .... but not now... im damn tired now sia... walk all day and sleep little... lol ... gg watch anime le ... title? its quite new and im onli starting on epi 1 so i shall update again if it is nice bah .... hehehe .... got lots of bishies again! hehe...

Exams coming!!! -_-!!! sianz half half... but think some subjects onli testing for 2 weeks worth of stuff so its still POSSIBLE!!! haha. Well so, exam = stress and if u come disturb a sleeping dragon, the above will happen to u!! ahaha ... i'll bite ur hand off... LOL.... for ppl who don't noe, hunny kun is biting on tamaki's hand! ahahha .. FROM OURAN! funny show... gotta catch it!! ahahaha

OMG.... body already sleeping mode liao.... lol ... and the weather is cold.. hope to snuggle up in bed soon! TML KBOX SESSION at my house!!! ahahaha. with my mei mei and jie ying :D so happy ... lol ... haven do my song yet T.T Heard from jieying that her brother go and buy another 4 electric guitar sia... siao ... now he has 5...i expect one of them to be bass thou... couldnt have so many varieties for electric guitar right? hmmm .... hehe...tml den decide whether we are gonna do song or not bah .... lol ... ^^^^AHEM AHEM COUGH COUGH^^^

M.I.A

ahhh! MIA for so long le... lol ... well, its obvious, if im MIA in DA... that means i will be MIA here... Ok! so lets see! ... hmmm ... for the past few days, wad i have been doing neh. Firstly, im watching anime, so no time blog! ahahaha ... wad have i watched? oh shats! i forgot le... T.T okok ... saw my favourites and remembered. Im watching Harukanaru Toki no Nakede Hachiyosho in crunchyroll.com. LOL... this show is very similar to fushigi but the animation and quality is better. Its onli 26 episode thou and thus wont be draggy budden horrr.... the ending is a bit rushed and i didnt get to see my bishy that much T.T but there are many other eye candies lah ... ahahha ... Then i went on to watch Kaze no Stigma! damn funny i tell ya... lol ... and its released in april 2007. So its quite new. Hmmmm... and then, angie asked me to play Trickster Online and thus, im starting it le.. Onli lvled to lvl 9. Im playing a light/dark mage more towards the dark side thou coz i planted in the wrong stats at first... One small difference can differ a lot! lol ... And i've also spotted many other animes to watch!!! hahaha... now im very into those historical and olden setting de... dunno y? or those clan fight clan de.... ahaha ... sugoi!! Today's school is from 1-6 non-stop neh!! OMGOSH! think im gonna faint! and die of hunger! T.T So gotta prepare lots of paper to prepare to draw neh! and ya .. i've been wanting to draw a chained heart but firstly, i dunno how to draw a real heart yet! :X Gotta find pictures (gross) And toking abt gross, well, my father's brother just passed away on 2nd june. Went to his funeral (christian style) on 3rd june which was my mum's bdae... so didnt celebrate hers lo. And i saw the corpse lying in the coffin. :X It was realli scary i tell u. Ther person is lying there so still and the skin so plastiky. And the face looks a bit bloated oso de... And then, its like, when i go near the coffin, i can smell the wood and some other smell oso lei ... I think its the chemical they injected into him to preserve him for a few days :X and then at night my mum told me stories about y my cousins and their relatives had to stay over at that place. It was said that if a cat jumps over the coffin, the corpse would sit upright and start to grab something. It wont stop grabbing at something until it finally catches hold of something. And once it catches hold, it will no longer let go of that object. Imagine if its a person nearby! :X and the reason y the body will sit up is becoz the corpse is full of negative energy whereas the cat is positive energy. Therefore, magnetic field will pull it up. :x Den i asked why wont it happen if we're near it coz we're also living and of positive force? Haha..mama say she's not sure but if these type of stories are there, there should be cases happening b4 right. :x So ya... T.T Rest In Piece my very kind and nice uncle T.T Ok lah ... im typing in it like one whole big chunk so just gorge ur eyes out to read. No time liao ... schooling time!!! need to hurry! late again liao le lah ... anw... i want to watercolor painting and on sat b4 church and after my proj meeting, i had like 2.5 hours to spare to rot alone. And i went to woodlands popular and rotted there for the whole time. OK lah.. not whole time, i rotted there for like 1.5 hours coz mum said to meet me at woodlands to eat lo since they had at first intended to eat at house downstairs there de. LOL.... so yah... wad did i do in Woodlands Popular???? i went to the art section and browsed all the watercolor paints (price range is quite big u noe. Can range from 18 tubes cheap cheap 3+ to 18 tubes very expensive de 13+) Those cheap de of coz from china de lor... hahaha ... and the X ones are from japan de. Hmmm.. dunno which to buy. Saw the brushes and found one which wasnt too x like wad i used im my sec school de but also not lan until those brushes hard like hell de.. Intend to buy that lo. And i looked at the calligraphy pen (trying to test out their effects since mangaka uses them) . Also saw a liner which was just 1+ bucks neh... lol.... signo de.. so oso intend to buy that. Hmm... lets seee wad else.... Browsed many pens and art crafts there lah... gotta say although JE de is as big as Woodlands de, JE de art supply is so lil compared to Woodlands de so if u wanna get art stuff, gotta go WDL de lo... :) Haha... and i got the 20% discount for all items so intend to decide carefully, save up a bit more capital and buy it at one go! lol .... heng got the 20% de sia. Oh yah ...and IMM there got popular liao le... Haven visit... wonder how it is like. Hmmmm .... well will visit it sometimes de lah ... hahhaha .... Oh no! so should i buy the xpensive watercolor or the cheap one?

P.S. the cheap tubes are 12 ml de tubes lor and the xpensive ones are onli like 5ml tubes... T.T ... if i have time tonight, i will come and reorganise this piece of essay but if not then u will noe that im playing trickster lo... haha... WHO WANT PLAY!! COME AND JOIN!! HEHEHHEE .... my mage lvling alone is realli damn slow lor.. and i want my invincible casting so that monster hit me wont cancel out my spell T.T so u noe y im so slow now. Still need 3 TM lvl to get that spell sia.... gahhh

Rock Fest!

ahahaha... rock fest? wazzup with that? lol ... aiyah ... just now when i was bathing, i sang again. I always sing lah... but i always just use wadever words that came up and any tune that came up to my mind to sing. Therefore, u can guess its incomprehensible but the tune is realli great OK! coz i noe my own voice range and wad pitch my voice is most beautiful lah ... OHOHOHOHO...

so yup... got this craze to go back to my singing career (like real :X) haha... wad do i mean by that? that is to cre8 my own music. How do i do that? ok... firstly, i come up with either the tune or the lyrics first. Then, i use my keyboard and find the single tune first. Then i incorporate the two finger style in. And then, i will ask my mei mei do the other voice tune. Oso gotta teach her and find the tune first. Then, we will have a dry run and usually its usually screwed up coz i had to play the keyboard and sing. Difficult to coordinate sia! :X so well.. we always did it halfway and that can take up one whole day liao! hahaha... so sometimes when we are realli bored we pass time like that in the past... Hmmm... so anw, my fren who lives downstairs has also acquired a keyboard le so now got 2 keyboards and one more person maybe can do better. BUT NOW THE PROBLEM IS! MY KEYBOARD IS NOT AT MY HOUSE!!! alamak... think need to get it back from my aunt who borrowed it for her kids who's so lucky to be going to guitar, piano lessons T.T i want oso cant... my mama lah ... mai mo wo de tian cai. T.T ok... b4 i was into drawing, music was my forte! haha... and i have also cre8ted my own classical piece b4. Went into 4 mins le but haven complete yet oso T.T lol .... and my fren living downstairs has a brother who also noes how to play guitar and electric guitar... haha... hmmm... realli hoped to ask him join in but he now in army T.T hehe... last time he actually asked me to be in his "band" with his frens b4 coz they looking for a keyboardist but i so shy .... :X ahahahah ... my younger dreams... lol ... So anw back to the topic! i think i realli want to cre8 a song man... lol... gotta ask for talents le and since holiday coming soon, i think it will be very highly possible to get one done unless i have to do projects during holidays lo!! which i just got reminded in the bathroom just now when i thought of this splendid plans T.T oh yah ... last time i oso cre8ted a 2 versed song le but its just the lyrics and the tune w/o any accompanyment. (errr.. dunno how to spell :O) yay! looking forward to it anw... OHOHO...

Ok.. so i didnt go do my project today coz i had serious stomach problems. We worked from home instead and i was in charge of editing angie de ppt slides... hmmm... ok lah .. gotta keep rechecking the journal paper and keep rushing to the toilet so took 2 hours T.T oh yah ... and poor angie is sick again!!! muz be the virus from last time de lor... lol ... she nv go see doctor lah! and kp oso nv take her there :X and for the morning is toileting time. YAY! so after 3, finished the project, i watched anime until now and still wanna continue it lo... LOL... its CODE GEASS! i mentioned it b4. Its by CLAMP and the storyline is realli dark! think can ask cara go see... lol .... i watched until epi 20 le... today onli watched like 10 epi lidat... haha... so yupx.. im going back to it now liao! ahaha .... ciao!!! oh yah .. still gotta add pictures :C

p.s. oh yah ... and now hor... getting quite bored of DA lah... coz i got not much inspiration and the pageviews and stuff dowan to increase as much. That time when i posted all my past linearts a lot of ppl come... tt's y now quite sianz... think got superb idea den put le bah ... and i think im doing bad for backgrounds. Looks a bit still and stiff... Not good at it yet... lol ... oh yah ..haha...to rebuke cara's tag. hmmm... i think if u have learnt drawing b4 and drew constantly whether its anything, drawing anime is no problem coz ur arm is already used to drawing strokes and stuff. You know, i read b4 that for drawing, its not using ur wrist lei... you should actually move ur whole shoulder. Dunno how to do that thou but i think as u draw more u will get it le... ahaha (some tips for angie! :D)

ooooo... found a shuai ge anime pic (above) (drools) wah.. see le feel like drawing that type of all blackie stuff.. lol ... oh yah .. and that reminded me... that day at popular i saw this calligraphy pen. Its 3.30 for the one with both thin and thick tips and another one which is 1.90. Dunno whicih one to buy sia... coz i noe that calligraphy pen is used to draw manga... haha... so wanted to try out one to see whether it realli has nice effects on drawing. doshiyo? which one should i buy?? LOL.